Week 1 

Day 0 (6/7): Banff

Day zero. Berlin -> Zurich -> Calgary -> Banff. In a celebration of the miracle of transport systems, we asked ourselves: how many things with wheels can we ride in 24 hours? Taxi -> Train -> Plane -> Bus -> Bike. Due to a Royal fuckup on the part of the folk at Swiss air we got free bikes on plane. There is a God! V's plane ride characterized mainly by Jared Leto's horrid fake Italian accent. 1 am Banff arrival. Meet future friend on bus and end up carrying bike boxes around the campsite together. Illegally camp; it won't be the last time. Off to a good start! 

Day 1 (7/7): Banff (AB) to Pocatera Ski Hut

Distance: 90 km

Elevation Gain: 1277 m

We wake up in our stolen camp and rapidly try to make it appear as if we just arrived. Head into Banff and everything is bougie as shit. Wondering how the fuck Bear Spray costs like 50 a can; even Canadian McDonald’s is expensive. At the trailhead we meet Brett and Colin - an pair of older lads from Vancouver Island (importantly not Vancouver itself, they remind us) who would be reoccuring characters in our tour. First stretch of track is a flowy forest trail, before turning out onto wider gravel paths. Nature showin us all of her faces today - tour stopping torrential downpour followed by sunny views of the spray lakes. Bear sign left and right - shit on shit on shit as well as some prints. Aforementioned bears show face later in the evening - we saw 6 en route at what would come to be known as "bear hour".  Note to self: bears are cute. Slept at a winter use cross country ski cabin. Shamelessly, I built a bench fort to keep our new bear friends out. One can never be too careful in bear country. 

Day 2 (8/7): Pocatera Ski Hut to Elkford (BC)

Distance: 89.3 km

Elevation Gain: 1066 m

The day starts immediatly with the first real pass of the trip, described in the following haiku: 

Elks pass sucks my dick.

Mud. Wind. Mosquitos. Sunburn.

Nature wants my blood. 

Officially in BC! Pour one out for my cup and birkenstocks. They're in a better place now. We lunched at a random empty cabin - feasting from found canned corn and spagetti before hitting up 40 km of monotonous foresty road. Cabin also blessed me with a new cup - reppin Canadian farmers of the 90's. I love you cabin. My tour is now officially sponsored by John Deere. 

Nearing Elkford, we passed a massive mining operation and arrived completely KO-ed and to the apathetic stares of town-deer. Elkford's grocery store left a lot to be desired, unless what you desired was a 5 kg tub of butter. Our campsite - Elkford Municipal Campgroud - wins award for best camphost, and also easily for worst guest (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).  The town is prime mining country, though its haydays are over, and alongside the other GD cyclists camped out live several seasonal workers. 

Day 3 (9/7): Elkford to Pollock Creek Campground 

Distance: 98.3 km 

Elevation Gain: 995 m

In the morning, we opt for a shortcut, trading up 40 km of trail for 35 on the road into nasty headwinds, and are rewarded with Canadian chain Tim horton's breakfast. The consensus is - disappointing but better than McDonald’s. I pick up a pair of beautiful new shoes, and about 2 kilos of pasta (stored in a plastic bag, naturally) before we take a scenic road ride into the Flatheads. The first couple hours in the flatheads feature: 1 million river crossings, washed out rock roads, crippling bear anxiety, and very cold feet (both physically and metaphorically). My sanity was restored upon arriving at Pollock Creek campground. People - yay! Pasta dinner followed by hanging the "bear baggu." 

TO ADD: new shoes pic (this is of the upmost importance) 

Day 4 (10/7): Pollock Creek Campground to Murder Cabin

Distance: 96 km

Elevation Gain: 1381 m 

The day opens with R being a big meanie, making me cry, threatening to put me on a bus in Eureka "for my own good." I'm attacked by a hoard of tiny killer flies, concurrent with the emotional onslaught, leaving a minefield of hives on my legs. The God of Free Bikes has deserted me in the Flatheads. There is no god here. 

We push it to Butts Cabin and up cabin pass. I make no jokes about Butts. I am sad. I steal a motorcycle licence plate to cheer myself up. I feel better. Stealing is good. 

Rain shows up as we inhale some hoarded pasta at Wigwam campground. We suffer up Galton Pass and hit a segment of "trail" appearing nearly vertical. Our brains, deep in survival mode, forget our mutual hate and R pushes my bike up for me. Even sans bike, the uphill feels like a free solo. 

More climbing and a final river crossing delivers us to our destination for the night: Murder Cabin. Tucked away off trail, it doesn't seem to be on the radar of most of the divide riders - our local connection from Pollock Creek told us whatsup. Complete with a stove and fire wood, our little Kaczynski cabin coddeld us for the night. No one got carbon monoxide poisoning, and all was forgiven.  

Day 5 (11/7): Murder Nabin to near Red Meadow Campground (MT) 

Distance: 118 km

Elevation Gain: 1561 m 

Morning is cold AF, as we wade back over the river to the trail, but steep Galton Pass warms our asses up. We fly downhill to the US boarder. Robin is white so obvs they let him in. Then bam! Welcome to America. In Eureka, we cross paths with the Dutch couple from the Elkford campsite. They routed around the Flatheads and were complaining about mud. They know nothing. Following Elkford we hit up a longass climb into the Montana flatheads, which look indistinguishable from their Canadian counterparts barring the "private property keep out" signs. 

GRIZZLY BEAR. A small one shows up casually on trail. Bear sprays at the ready, we followed full protocol, talking and waving, but bear didn't give a shit. He was busy chasing a rabbit, giving us a window to flee. The following valley was incredibly beautiful, only marred by my omnipresent bear anxiety, the weighty silence interrupted frequently by yells of "HEY BEAR" and my constant companion - Mr. Whistle. 

After a couple hours of attempted cabin break ins, we find a remote surprise campground with a view of Glacier National Park. 

Day 6 (12/7): Near Red Meadow to Columbia Falls (MT) 

Distance: 75 km

Elevation Gain: 525 m

While all prior entries have been heavily edited from their "log" format, I've preserved these next two in original condition, as they were written at Ceder Creek, and well capture my state of fuck-this-I'm-sleep-deprived after R made me spend the night in a public park:  

Beautiful morning views. Polebridge hipster shit. DOGS. Robin discovers breakfast burritos. Steal overpriced sticker. Horny on bumpy road. Don't judge me. Very dusty. River lunch. Columbia falls. Hectic shopping. Wtf who buys 60 eggs. Fuck you RV park. Mosquitos are dicks. Sleep in city park/no sleep. Rain. 

Day 7 (13/7): Columbia Calls to Cedar Creek Campsite  

Distance: 106 km

Elevation Gain: 1229 m

Omg tired. Hipster breakfast meh. Steal chapstick. Mosquitos and rain and tired. So tired hot climbing tired. I am dead inside. More mosquitos. Drill Sargent mom at campsite. Mosquitos scorch earthed my legs. Robin proves patience - he’s a good one.